Sean R. Reid

This particular flavor of rant is going to be a little different than usual. I’m sort of walking out on a limb here. Porn is a topic of which I’ve become very convicted. A lot of people I know won’t agree with me on this. I have family and friends that just won’t get it. They won’t see what the big deal is about porn. Arguably, most of society doesn’t see it as a big deal. Afterall, sex sells. Sexualized men and women, and the objectification of them, is pervasive in our media.

I realize I could lose some friends over this. Honesty is dangerous when it comes to this particular topic.

Hell, no more than 2 years ago I wouldn’t have agreed with me. Penn & Teller even did an episode of Bulls-hit! about it and  anyone that knows me knows that I usually fall in lock-step with them.

But that was then.

Today it’s different.

You might say pornography is “victimless.” I will respectfully disagree with you. I can personally attest that my involvement with pornography has hurt my wife and our relationship deeply. Not the least of which being that my dishonesty has created a problem with trust that will take a long time to repair. Maybe a lifetime. I hope not.

I’m not arguing that pornography should be illegal. I’m not judging those who are involved with pornography, or the sex industry, and saying that they’re bad people. I’m not casting stones and I support the freedom of speech, even that with which I don’t agree.  Those things have not changed.

Numbers don’t have a bias. Addictions are real.

I’m merely presenting some statistics.

My hope is that perhaps I’m saying something that makes someone else stop and think.

I don’t really have any goals in mind other than that and…

more importantly…

I’m finally stepping out from the darkness of a self-impose exile.

You don’t have to agree. But I hope, particularly if you know me, that you’ll respect my point-of-view and know that it comes from a place of deep thought and careful consideration.

I’ve been through various stages of hell and loneliness for over 20 years. Porn didn’t fix that.

I think trying something different is long overdue.

Source Sex Addiction

Aside from the Nikki & Kat post (which is STILL the #1 post by a LARGE margin) my post from yesterday has been getting quite a bit of attention.  As I was going through my stats I noticed that this post: “I’m a Rebel so I rebel” had picked up a few new hits.  That particular post was written a little over a year ago and I really had forgotten a lot of what was said. So I went back and took a look and MANY things stuck out to me. Notably:

So, maybe it’s okay to be me. Actually, it’s more than okay to be me.  Jesus loved sinners. As a matter of fact –and I loved this part of the Rebel series– Jesus was a FRIEND TO SINNERS.  It dawned on me, Jesus isn’t asking me to change my clothes, my music or my hairstyle.  He’s asking me to change my HEART.  More importantly I don’t have to change my friends.  I have to change MYSELF.

and,

So I’m going to keep being me and loving my friends for who they are.  I’m not going to sink into the safety of the “Christian ghetto.”  I’m going to be an honest and loving follower of Christ.  I won’t judge, but I will do my best to pray for and love others.  I won’t hide, I’ll go madly into the night and challenge sin where it rests. But I don’t think I need Christian Karate lessons or a “Jesus Saves” t-shirt before I do. I’m going to continue to work to be an honest and authentic Christian.  Most of all, I’m going to be a friend. Afterall, THAT is what Jesus would do.

I’m inclined to say “oh what a difference a year makes.” However, I would encourage you to go and read the whole thing. At their core both entries are essentially saying the same thing. Granted, yesterday’s post was significantly more angst-ridden and anger fueled.  At the moment I’m still feeling rather rejected and abandoned so it should come as no surprise that is the tone that came through.  Obviously in the earlier post things were still rather fresh and new and I was obviously pretty high on the whole experience and very “yay Northpoint!”  So, I think understandably, in light of my that particular experiences that one year makes a HUGE difference. Also, it’s pretty obvious that I have a long way to go on that whole “I won’t judge” part.

(more after the jump)

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This is pretty much where I’m at today. It’s been one o’them kind of days.

My War

My war you’re one of them
You say that you’re my friend
But you’re one of them
You don’t want to see me live
You don’t want me to give
’cause you’re one of them

My war you’re one of them
You say that you’re my friend
But you’re one of them

I might not know what a friend is
All I know is what you’re not
’cause you’re one of them

My war you’re one of them
You say that you’re my friend
But you’re one of them

I have a prediction, it lives in my brain
It’s with me every day, it drives me insane
I feel it in my heart, that if I has a gun
I feel it in my heart, I’d wanna kill some
I feel it in my heart, the end will come
Come on!!

My war you’re one of them
You say that you’re my friend
But you’re one of them

Tell me that I’m wrong
Try to sing me your ego song
You’re one of them

My war you’re one of them
You say that you’re my friend
But you’re one of them

My war.

This was embedded on another post I was reading and I decided to give it a second viewing. I’ve watched it before. At the time I sat back with a smug look on my face and thought “hell yeah, take that you sniveling little man boys!”

This time it was a little different. I had different ears with which to hear what he was saying. The words smacked the smug look off my face and put me in an uncomfortable place. It’s a risk for me to even post this here for fear of potential kickback. The fact is, I’m one of those weak little “boys” to whom Driscoll is speaking.  I’m guilty of things that I don’t have the courage to put into writing. Embarrassing things. Stupid things. Things that have hurt my wife and damaged our relationship in ways that I don’t think either of us can fully comprehend.

I’m thankful that she gives me the grace necessary to try and fix what is wrong. I’m grateful that she’s willing to get in my face when necessary and tell me to put my “big boy pants on.”

In this moment I’m also thankful for men like Driscoll who love deeply enough to smack us around and tell us to “step up” and “man up.”  There are those of us who need a father figure to kick us squarely in the ass.

As much as I hate to admit it, I’m one of them. Watch the clip and ask yourself, are you a man or a boy?

(btw, if you’re offended by what he has to say chances are pretty good you’re squarely in the “boy” category)

Woke up to find this in my Twitter and RSS feeds:

Michael Spencer 1956-2010

The Internet Monk has finally passed on. As a new Christian I cannot tell you the impact his podcast and writings had on my journey.  “Coffee Cup Apologetics” and Internet Monk Radio went a long way in helping answer some of the many questions I had and helping me form my spirituality.

Over the next couple days I’ll try to pick out a few pieces from his archives and showcase them here. However, for now, I think a moment of silence is in order.

God Bless you iMonk. You will be missed. I’m sure your Father welcomes you home.